Thursday, December 3, 2015

Quitter the Elf

For those who wish to participate in Holiday Festivities without the fear of instilling perfectionism in your child or normalizing a surveillance state, I offer the following letter from Quitter the Elf as an addendum:

"Hi [kid's name]!

I bet you just read a book about my old job!  I used to report to Santa about everything that kids did during December, but I quit that job this year (that's why my name is Quitter the Elf).

I wanted to build toys for kids, but Santa wanted me to join the Northpole Surveillance Agency (NSA) so he could keep a closer eye on kids.  This made me and some of my elf friends very sad!

My friend Edward posted Santa’s whole plan for the NSA on the internet so everyone could read it!  I bet that’s how someone wrote that book about all the other elves!  Well that made Santa and the NSA VERY angry!

I had another elf friend named Chelsea who sent Santa’s sled route to another elf named Julian who put it on the internet too!  That way, kids would know *exactly* when they could stop behaving!  The NSA was really, really mad now!

Well, seeing how angry everyone was getting, I just decided to quit my job with the NSA and come make a new friend during Christmas season. I don’t think the holidays are about being good just to get presents – I don’t think anyone can be on their best behavior *all* the time! 

So until Christmas, we can play with your toys, read your books, and every day we can try to be nice to our friends and family. On days when we aren’t as nice, we can say we’re sorry and try to do
better the next day.

I think we are going to have lots of fun!

P.S. Tell your dad I REALLY like his books!