Three Vehicular Requestdemands

Having spent a good amount of Spring Break 2012 on the road, I feel qualified to make the following (sort of) humble requests (demands). My observations take the form of sort of humble requestdemands due to my general suspicion of the establishment of rules and/or guidelines. Feel free to disregard these requestdemands, but feel freer to contact me and tell me how right I am should you choose to do so. My observations on the roads from Tallahassee, FL to Lynchburg, VA and back have left me thinking that the average driver (but certainly not the average reader of this blog) would be unlikely to read anything for an extended period of time. Following this hunch, I have provided pictures (though if SOPA ever ends up gaining traction again they will be promptly removed).

Tommy’s Three Vehicular Requestdemands

One:



This is a driveway. If you are unwilling or your automobile/truck/tractor is unable to reach a speed of five miles per hour under the speed limit please leave it here. If you live in an apartment complex, please replace “driveway” with “parking lot.” Should you choose to move your unwilling person or unable vehicle from the driveway/parking lot, you will not cease to agitate people until you return your vehicle to your driveway/parking lot.

Two:



This is a two-lane highway. If you (a) drive like a maniac (15+ miles over the speed limit) you should avoid these as you will become quite frustrated by vehicles that do not share your need to reenact any of the 7 Fast and Furious movies. Should you choose not to avoid these roads you will become agitated.

If you (b) are unwilling or your automobile/truck/tractor is unable to reach a speed of 5mph under the speed limit, please see Requestdemand 1. Should you choose not to avoid these roads, please use your emergency flashers and be aware that you will not cease to agitate people until you return your vehicle to your driveway.

If you (c) typically maintain a speed of the 5mph under the speed limit to 10mph over and feel the need to pass someone, your spouse/passenger will likely tell you to never do that again. Be prepared to be agitated by those who disregard Requestdemand 2(a) and 2(b).

Three:



This is a four lane highway – Maniacs, this one and those with higher lane counts are for you. If you (a) drive within 10mph of the speed limit, utilize the left lane to pass those who remain closer to the speed limit than yourself. Only utilize the left lane to pass after checking your rearview mirrors for maniacs. Be prepared to be agitated by those who drive like maniacs as well as those who disregard requestdemands 1 and 2(b).

If you (b) drive like a maniac (again, 15+mph over the speed limit) you may remain in the left lane and may not use the right lane to pass. Should you choose to pass in the right lane, be prepared to be agitated by a driver who seeks to move out of your way but is not doing so at a speed that endangers him or herself, his or her passenger(s), or innocent bystanders.

So ends my simple list of three requestdemands. While these requestdemands are not (nor do they seek to be) exhaustive, following them will help a great deal in ameliorating my general disdain for that wide swath of humanity that I do not know. Please feel free to spread the word as these requestdemands likely only apply to those not enlightened enough to have come across this blog.

Bonus Picture:



This is the Paris Metro. I miss it.

As always, thanks for reading.