An Addendum to the Previous Proposal to Parisian Pedestrians

Specifically, to Rule #4: Moving one’s damn umbrella so as not to strike another pedestrian in the head (la tete) and its consequence (Your umbrella may be forcibly confiscated and thrown into the path of a moving vehicle.)

I would like to add an extra stipulation for gratuitously oversized umbrellas (gros parapluies). If your umbrella exceeds the size necessary to provide portable shelter for your person, I will join you under it. I will snuggle up uncomfortably close to you. I will sniffle. I will cough. I will clear my throat. Depending on the size of your umbrella, I may even boisterously expel a flatus or two. By and large, you large-umbrella carriers are rather slow so I have little faith in your ability to outrun me. Additionally, you appear to be inept when it comes to physically defending yourself so I have doubts that you will succeed in forcibly removing me from under your umbrella (parapluie). You will either have to throw away your umbrella and purchase a new, smaller model umbrella or come to terms with the fact that you will be sharing your large umbrella – with me – until you reach your destination. I don’t care where you are going. I daresay that enforcing this rule is more important than most of my Parisian commitments.

You may object, stating that I should not be the sole judge of the proper size of your umbrella. En Contraire, if I fit under it…it is too big. This goes for anyone else who feels up to enforcing this rule – if you fit under a stranger’s umbrella, consider it an open invitation to join them.

Thanks for reading.