The Sights, Sounds, and Smells of Paris’ 16 Metro Lines Part 4

The Metro is Like a Box of Chocolates (except it smells like pee)


WARNING: THE ONLY THING MORE DISGUSTING THAN READING THIS POST WAS LIVING THIS POST. IN THE ENSUING PARAGRAPHS I WILL RELAY THE SMELLS OF THE PARISIAN METRO WHICH ARE FAR FROM PLEASANT. THE AUTHOR ENCOURAGES THOSE WITH WEAK STOMACHS TO READ THE OPINION SECTION OF THEIR LOCAL NEWSPAPER IN LIEU OF PERUSING THIS POST. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. ONE LAST TIME, THIS POST IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING TO THE AUTHOR, WHO PRIDES HIMSELF ON THE FAMILY-FRIENDLY NATURE OF HIS BLOG, BUT SOMETIMES THE TRUTH DOES NOT COME IN PALATABLE PACKAGING. pee pee.








As much as I have enjoyed re-living my day on the metro with you, my faithful readers, there are aspects of the journey that I wish to never relive nor re-experience though will forever remain etched in my memory. I’m not talking about the buttocks on the horizon nor the metro stop reading ladies’ voice – those were amusing memories. I am referring to the ungodly, horrendous, odiferous, and downright stanky aspects of my journey. Just as the rainbow has a spectrum of colors so the metro harbors countless variations of the smell of pee. Some smells are subtle, others are more pungent, but all seem to have at least a hint of expelled urine. During those fateful hours underground, I was privy to this spectrum of urine-laced bouquets. In order to spare myself the mental trauma associated with breathing in these wretched odors, I hope to get through this post as quickly as possible. Ergo, without further ado:

The Station Pere Lachaise at line three smelled like boiled pee and body odor

The Station Reamur Sebastol on the four line smelled like hand soap and urine

Gare de l’Est at the five line wreaked of French fries soaked in pee

St. Jacques (6 line) smelled like someone had urinated in a puddle of wet paint

Boarding the 7 line at Louis Blanc brought to mind vegetables pickled in pee

The actual train on the ten line smelled like olives floating in pee

Under the RER B stop at Chatelet, my handwritten metro notes only say, in all caps, “GROSS PEE”

Montparnasse at the 13 line smelled like someone had peed in a bag of eukanuba dog food

Finally, waiting for the 14 metro at Saint Lazare, I was treated to both bodily functions doused in lemon scented cleaner and for a change of pace at the end of my journey, the metro gods of Bercy exchanged the smell of urine for that of body odor and flatulence.

I hope that was less painful for you than for me and, as always, thanks for reading...or perhaps apologies are in order.